Your kid gets way too much screen time, and you know it. It’s time to do something about it.
We’ve known for a long time that kids and screens are a bad combination. Anxiety, attention problems, depression, eye pain, neck pain and so on come online with your life. But the pandemic struck and our phones, tablets and laptops became our lifeline to the world.
So you let your kid learn all the dances on TikTok. And all their friends were puppies on Snapchat, and you didn’t want yours to be left out. They played video games together, bonded by breaking beds and swapping pets. They called each other “sus” – suspicious – and tried to find the impostor. It was a while.
But now your child can no longer do without a telephone and you do not know what to do.
School is back; activities and playdates are back. Life is back. It will be difficult in the short term, but you should seriously limit your child’s screen use.
I’ve seen families arrive at a beach, put some sunscreen on their kids, then tuck their phones under an umbrella to spend the day. Or come to restaurants and hand out iPads to the kids without any interaction during the meal. A playdate in a park with friends turns into two kids staring at iPads side by side.
This is harmful and the damage will be long lasting. You have to stop doing otherwise.
Children need boredom. They cannot be entertained every minute of every day. Kids who can’t get bored eventually get boring. Their dull faces are no longer able to hold a conversation with anyone. Eye contact is impossible. They cannot function. They are on a drug and everyone seems to be okay with it.
That’s the worst part about too much screen time. It leads to people who cannot meaningfully participate in society. They don’t know how to form relationships. The phone stands between them and real life. That real life, with clumsiness, boredom and monotony, just can’t compete with constant dopamine hits and filters that fix every mistake. But we all know how much better that imperfect reality really is.
It’s also from the parents. “We just want to have a quiet dinner,” parents tell me. I get it. But if you sit down at the table and your 3-year-old automatically expects a phone, he or she will never learn to socialize over a meal. She will never have a conversation at a dinner table. She will never be interesting or interested in other people. You don’t take that phone off when she’s 4 or 8 or 12. You’re getting her ready for a life where you think it’s appropriate to stare at a device while eating with others. It’s not.
“Everyone does it.” That’s just not true. Many people now let their kids use too many screens, yes. But you don’t have to connect to that. You want more for your child – or you should. Don’t let him or her become a zombie because all the other kids jumped off a bridge. Be the parent.
Look, I’m not perfect. There have been dinners where for some reason we let our kids use phones or tablets at the table. Maybe our reservation got messed up and that was the only way to keep them together for a 10pm dinner. Maybe we’d spent all day sightseeing on vacation, and rushing them for a meal would lead to meltdowns without it.
My 12 year old ignores me in favor of a video game because it’s a weekend morning and this is her allotted time. Flights are a wall-to-wall extravaganza in our family. But moderation at all other times is key for us. The screen as a tool is one thing. The screen as a stool is another.
Often in parenting we know what to do, but find it difficult to actually act. Let this be your incentive to do the right thing for your kids and limit their online time. We are raising the next generation, and we owe it to them to rehabilitate them from their screen addiction. And while you’re at it, maybe limit your usage too.
Twitter: @Karol
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