Put it back in the bargain bin
I only knew two things before I bought 2007 Celestial Guardian on PS2. First it would be a competition in the Pocky & Rocky series, just maybe not really. It seemed to be aiming more for Kiki Kaikaicwhich the Pocky & Rocky games are the sequel to, but I won’t go into the finer details of why they’re almost two separate series. The quick version is this: Kiki Kaikaic is Taito; Pocky & Rocky is Natsume. Yes, this means that Pocky & Rocky with Becky is more of a part of the Kiki Kaikaic series.
Anyway, that’s boring. The second thing I knew about Celestial Guardian going into it is that it is considered kusoge.
Totally different
According to articles leading up to the release of Celestial Guardianthe title was originally supposed to be Kiki Kaikai 2. However, Square Enix bought Taito in mid-development and decided they didn’t want a new one Kiki Kaikaic game. So Starfish canceled it. Then they revealed Kiki Kai World, which you’ll find one “kai” away from copyright infringement. They insisted it wasn’t just the canceled one Kiki Kaikai 2 renamed. That may be true since Celestial Guardian has many recognizable differences from the early screenshots. However, the palette the heroine swaps out and drops a “kai” doesn’t mean it isn’t a little too close to an existing license. So in the end we ended up with Celestial Guardian.
I asked if this is more of a Pocky & Rocky successor or a game closer to the Kiki Kaikaic arcade game, and the answer is: no. It’s neither. It’s a mess.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a top-down run-and-gun like the other games in its so-called series. Its influence is clear. The power-up system is similar and the enemies are from Japanese folklore. It’s just a matter of flowing. It doesn’t fit either series. It’s not as tanuki balls as Pocky & Rockyand it doesn’t have the stiff, quarter-chewing mentality of Kiki Kaikaic. No, it feels more like a homemade fangame.
wicked
The first thing that struck me when I saw the 2D art style was those Flash ad games from the ’00s. There was going to be a cartoon, and in order to promote that cartoon and get kids to watch ads on their web page, companies would make little games to advertise them. It’s all smooth lines and automated gradients. Lifeless, I’d call it, especially in combination with a rather sparse animation.
Most egregiously, it has no real sense of impact, so it’s not always obvious when you’re getting hit or the enemy. Pocky & Rocky had characters throwing rolls and leaves, but it still made sure you knew when you were dealing damage from this constant a-wok-a-wok-a-wok-a sound. In particular, there’s one boss that has two types of attacks: one that deals damage and another that reverses your controls, but doesn’t hurt you. I had to keep looking at my life meter because at the time I had no idea if anything was damaged or if I was flipping my controls.
It doesn’t help that the weapons feel like ass and not in a good way. You pick up gems to change your weapon, and if you pick up the same colored gem, you upgrade that weapon. This comes in the flavors of fast, three-way, homing and bomb. Quick, I don’t even understand because you normally shoot fast. If you have a three-way, you can even shoot faster the closer you get to your target. It’s the classic constraint of the projectile sprite. Shortening the distance they travel will allow the next set to spawn faster.
As for the upgrades, you’ll have to squeeze your eyes shut to see the difference they make. I mostly stuck to three-ways because homing and bomb were disappointing and, again, I don’t see the point of fast. I think upgrading one of the branches of firepower just makes them stronger, but I haven’t seen any tangible evidence of that. Bosses display their health as a numerical value, and it seemed like no matter what projectile you hit them with, it always does 2 damage. So…I think you should just upgrade your weapons to make it imperceptibly better. They’ve definitely improved, you just don’t know how.
Boss level mediocrity
the bosses of Celestial Guardian deserve special mention because they are not exciting and annoying. If I show you a screenshot of them, they probably look good. Then you go into battle with them and realize it’s way too easy to either cancel their attacks or find that perfect place to sit where most of their extremely predictable attacks just pass you by.
On the other hand, they have mountains of health. I noted above that each projectile seems to do a base 2 damage every time it makes contact. Well, bosses usually have about 400 health. Now you don’t required you have to hit them 200 times to win, because your three-way can affect them three times and the bomb seems to be sucking up a cluster of health. However, it still takes a ridiculously long time. They pull out extra attacks as their health drops, so try not to dislocate your interocular lenses when you roll your eyes after killing them when they’re only down to 50 health.
I think every game deserves to be available
There have been a few times when I’ve picked up a game that I knew was poorly received and after playing for a few minutes I thought, “oh no, what did I get into?” This was one of them because even before I completed the first level I got a sick feeling in my stomach protesting the fact that I actually had to play more Celestial Guardian. At one point, I turned to my dog and promised that when I hit the follow-up screen again, I would put the game down and walk away.
There was no consolation because once I got through to the first level I never had to do that again. To hell with my crazy gamer skills! Reluctantly, I saw the end a few hours later.
I can only imagine losing the Kiki Kaikaic license was such a blow that the chief designer locked himself in the bathroom and refused to come out. Like, they planned on putting in the effort for the game, lost the license and just said, “Well, let’s just toss the scraps together and push out the door.” I feel like there was once a passion behind this project, but very little of that shows in the final product.
Although I played the PS2 version of the game, I found that you Celestial Guardian on Steam and Switch under the name Snow Fight Princess Sayuki. I find this information disturbing. You should probably get Pocky & Rocky Reshrined instead of.
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Zoey Handley
Zoey is an avid game hobbyist. She has been playing video games all her life and is a lover of both new and retro games. She likes to dig in the dirt and figure out the games which are fine if you clean them up a bit.
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