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Q: I have a friend who is now receiving hospice care. I want to let them know I’m thinking of them, but I’m having a hard time finding the right words. Do you have any suggestions? – MRS

Answers: People often don’t know what to say and do when a loved one is being cared for in a hospice. It’s great that you think of them and want to show your support, but it’s sometimes hard to know how to express that given the situation. Remember that a kind word or gesture that comes from the heart is often the best approach.

When you talk to a friend or family member in hospice or visit a hospice, it’s probably easiest for both of you to let your friend lead the way in the conversation. Try to read their tone and proceed appropriately. For example, don’t tell jokes when the mood is gloomy, and don’t bring them down when they want to keep it light.

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Remember, they’re still the same person you’ve always known. Have them share memories, fears, or not talk about their illness at all. Let them be sad or angry. Avoid saying things like “I know how you feel” or “Maybe you’ll get better” or giving advice.

If it seems appropriate, you can try to improve their mood by sharing a favorite memory of the two of you or something you’ve always laughed about together. Allowing someone to “just be” while you spend time by their side can be a powerful support. The act of sitting quietly and reflectively together can be rewarding for both of you. Keep in mind that your friend may be tired and your visit may need to be cut short.

Reminding someone of how he has made a difference in your life or the qualities you have always admired about him at the end of his life can be very meaningful. If the opportunity to see them in person does not arise, please share your thoughts in writing. A greeting card can be an easy way to express yourself with words, but it can be difficult to find the right card that conveys your feelings in a sensitive way. A “Thinking of You” card or “Just Because” card can be wonderful alternatives to “Get Well Soon” cards that should be avoided.

If you have chosen a religious card, make sure that the person you give it to shares the same faith and belief. Often a simple blank card that allows you to create your own message is best.

Here are a few pointers to help you on your way: “Without you I would never have known…”; “You showed me the importance of…”; or “You taught me to appreciate…”. What’s especially nice about sharing a written message is that the thoughts and emotion they bring with them can be relived every time it’s read. Notes like these can also be a comfort to caregivers and family to keep after the person has passed away.

It can feel a little awkward reaching out to someone you know is dying, but taking the time to let your friend know what’s important to you and the positive impact they’ve had on you and others, can be one of the best gifts you can give them.

Q: My teenage grandson was spending time with me this summer and I was trying to play some of his video games. Besides being fun, are there any benefits to gaming at my age? — OC

Answers: The image that comes to mind when you say “online gamers” is that of young men crouching in front of TVs, furiously operating with game controllers and screaming excitedly into headsets. While gaming remains very popular with people who fit that description, it’s no longer just for younger people.

More and more older adults are turning to video games for competitive entertainment, socialization and simple fun. In fact, a 2017 study found that 26 percent of video game players are adults over the age of 50. Interestingly, more women in this age group are gaming than men.

Video games have been shown to provide a number of benefits for everyone, but studies show that gaming provides some very specific benefits for seniors.

Many people, especially those who live in care facilities, may find it difficult to participate in sports and/or other physically competitive activities as they age. However, aging does not necessarily make a person lose their desire to be challenged or diminish their competitive spirit. Gaming offers some seniors the opportunity to participate in meaningful competition that, while not physically strenuous, still gives them a kick comparable to what they might experience from vigorous exercise.

Gaming can be a great cure for boredom and help keep you mentally sharp. It can also be stimulating to learn something new and see your skills improve.

One of the most substantial benefits for those over 63 who play games regularly — or even just once a week — is an increase in a sense of emotional well-being. The study compared gamers and non-gamers and found that gamers were happier, in better mood and less depressed.

Some games can help with balance, walking, and cognitive focus. Playing video games that require quick decision making and visual attention can improve physical performance or slow its decline. Cognitive focus was found to be increased in people between the ages of 60 and 77 who played a complex strategy video game for just two weeks, for just two hours a day.

Gaming also helps with social isolation. It gives you the chance to connect with others online without leaving the house. Often gamers play with the same people every week, creating friendships. You can also play online games with your grandson or relatives to stay connected. There is actually a site just for adult gamers called Old Timer Guild. The motto for their site is, “Relax, not too serious, no drama…it’s all about having fun!” For more information, visit oldtimersguild.com.

All you need to get started is a TV or computer monitor with HDMI ports and a game console. The most popular consoles are the Sony PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X and Nintendo Switch. Setting up the game console is quite simple.

There are many types of games to choose from. Tetris and Portal 2 are puzzle games in which a player can go to new levels. World of Warcraft, NeuroRacer and WarThunder are popular online multiplayer games recommended for seniors. There are also free and cheap games that can be used on a tablet or smartphone by downloading a game app.

Games for seniors continue to grow as a key sector in the gaming industry. While the health and wellness benefits are promising, older gamers say they love gaming for the same reason teens play video games: they just play to have fun!

AgeWise is a weekly column compiled by employees of Senior Services Inc., a non-profit organization based in Winston-Salem. If you have any questions, please email agewise@seniorservicesinc.org or email Senior Services, 2895 Shorefair Drive, Winston-Salem, NC 27105.