Forget play-to-earn, how about some play-to-to learn? World of Haiku (opens in new tab) is an educational cyberpunk RPG that says it will teach you the real-life skills needed to become a cybersecurity professional. As you learn to code and hack while playing, World of Haiku says you can add your newfound skills to sites like LinkedIn and…
I’m sorry, wait a minute. What the hell is going on in the official launch trailer?
And why is there a cyber clown prominently on it?
Unfortunately, if World of Haiku wants to teach me real cybersecurity skills, it has thrown the ball into its own launch trailer for three seconds. It starts with a cyberpunk cityscape and a flying car, which is a good futuristic start. Then a guy dressed as a cyber clown walks in and I completely forget that I’m supposed to be learning about a game that’s supposed to be about learning. All I can think of is: clown.
The cyber clown has a cape and a vaguely theatrical collar, which could mean: the future but can just as easily imply clown clothes. The real distraction is his makeup, which I think must be a cool skull shape painted in neon blue on his face? And while I can kind of see what they were going for, it seems like a first try that would quickly wipe you out before trying again. But… they just kind of stuck with it. I really think if they leaned a little more forward and gave him a big round nose he would look like a circus clown fewer stupid than him. It can blink, maybe. That would be futuristic.
Anyway, we’re only four seconds into the trailer at this point, which is a bad sign because I watched those four seconds about 10 times. The caped cyberclown pretends to poke buttons on his arm where there really don’t seem to be any buttons and says, “Send new information.” A bunch of floating computer screens appear on either side of him, and the actor looks at where I think they told him the screens would be, even though they aren’t, with the end effect that he doesn’t seem to be looking at all at the screens. And if he is the one passing on new information, why is he investigating the new information? Did he pass it on to himself? If so, why announce? Also, and I cannot emphasize this enough, why is he a clown?
Then he looks into the camera, to me, a man who has now turned this entrance back and has looked at it at least five or six times in the past two minutes. “A global nuclear event is imminent,” said Commander Cyberclown. “You have to stop the launch.”
It sounds serious and I would like to take it seriously. If a global nuclear event is imminent, someone has to stop the launch, and as the potential person who is going to play World of Haiku, it probably is me. And look, I promise I’ll do everything I can to stop the launch because I’m absolutely against impending global nuclear events, but first I want to answer a few questions about the giant blue circle painted on your face.
I force myself to stop rewinding the intro and watch the rest. The trailer continues in a cafe, where a woman logs into World of Haiku and takes on the avatar of a mid-tier cosplayer for “a gamified cyberpunk experience that provides aspiring cybersecurity professionals with fast, affordable training for a rewarding cybersecurity experience.” career.” Some villains appear and everyone starts typing on virtual screens. Reluctantly, I start learning about the game again, but Corporal Cyberclown abruptly teleports into the cafe and I literally say out loud, “Yay!”
Corporal Cyberclown nods encouragingly at the avatar, and there’s more air typing on floating screens as Team Clown and Team Evil argue… I forgot. Something was on the way, but I’m just too distracted to remember. He also has blue lines on his arms and tubes in the back of his head. I just have more questions now.
I want to be very clear about this: I do not pass judgment on World of Haiku the game. It says it teaches real cybersecurity skills and as far as I know, or don’t know, that’s true, or it’s not true, or maybe it’s partially true. I have no idea. I haven’t even looked at it for a second. I haven’t researched and I certainly haven’t played the game.
All I’ve done here is watch the launch trailer 14 times in a row because seeing Corporal Cyberclown delights and confuses me. And I don’t have to stop, because there are actually a lot of trailers. Let’s check them all out!
For example, I just learned that Corporal Cyberclown’s in-game name is, disappointingly, Gungnir. He’s a Cybermancer and he’s got his own character trailer where he does a bit of air-cybert on floating screens and then bends over to music. Then the music fades a bit, leaving an awkward 10 seconds of silence as he holds his pose. I’m not bashing him: the dude is jacked and if I looked even remotely like that, I’d put in the effort at every opportunity. It’s just weird standing there in complete silence with tense muscles while nothing happens. The music eventually remembers, oh yeah, we’re in the middle of a character reveal trailer, sheepishly kicking back.
Luckily I get some backstory from his trailer. His real name is Dr. Omen Parks, a name I absolutely accept. He and his daughter (Rafé Rose Pathfinder: excellent) created new cybersecurity technologies called Phoenix Scanner, Data Dragon, Tiger Key, Turtle Shield and Serpent OS. That’s kind of anime-sounding shit, and while I don’t even watch anime, I highly approve of it.
I also learn that Dr. Omen “Gungnir” “Cyberclown” Parks on “purity level 5” works. I don’t know what that means, but I believe it right away. If there is a clown from the future who invented the Tortoiseshell and named his daughter Rafé Rose Pathfinder, I can’t imagine working at a purity level of four or lower. No chance.
I think I’ll do it. I think I’m going to play World of Haiku! (opens in new tab) I’m not really interested in developing any real cybersecurity skills, but the idea of adding “Learn to Hack a Cyber Clown” to my LinkedIn is too tempting to pass up. If I watch the trailer a few more times, at least.
0 Comments